Author: Reed News Producer

After a long look outside, Reed determined that it was most certainly raining.

Reed reevaluates his life choices after ending his 17 year long streak of hating pineapple pizza. When asked on his new opinions of the dish Reed said, “Yeah it was, like, pretty good, I guess”

Reed somehow managed to fail all of his classes, despite his overwhelming confidence. When asked how he felt when he found out how bad he actually did, Reed covered his ears and ran away screaming, “Lalalalala I can’t hear you!”

Evil Reed has had enough of this world. His plan is to get access to the world’s supply of nukes, then send them all at Mars so that it falls onto Earth.

In spite of his dedication to the role, recent reports have indicated that Reed was underpaid for his appearance in the movie Wonka as the Oompa Loompas. “I studied ages to prepare for this role,” Reed told us, “It’s not fair that they can promise to pay me a lot, only for me to leave…

The first wave of alien life made its appearance today, although it turns out that it was actually a bunch of strawberries. That being said, they were very fierce, making many demands in exchange for not destroying Earth.